What gives?

I'm falling behind. In everything.

I want a full life, really I do. But some days an empty one looks almost appealing.

Of course I couldn't give up the kids. Or my husband, parents, siblings, relatives, friends.... The house? No, we have to live somewhere. And I've really gotta keep the job. And if we want to eat, I have to go to the grocery store. Clothing is kind of important -- and a lot nicer if it's clean -- so I suppose I can't stop doing laundry. The dog is never going to stop shedding, or barfing on the kitchen floor, but she is pretty darn cute, so I guess she stays. I could give up exercising -- no, wait, I already did that and now my pants don't fit and I said I wasn't going to buy new ones, so I have to drag my ass out for a walk in the morning. Reading and writing keep me sane and I'm already going a little crazy from lack of time with those loved ones.

So what gives?

Everything, apparently. The house is getting dustier, the lawn weedier. I consider it a triumph if I can get half of the things knocked off my to-do list every day, but what kind of victory is that if it just means 50% more stuff on tomorrow's list? And who the hell keeps adding all this stuff to the list anyway?

Me?

Okay, fine. If you're going to be that way. Yes, me. I'm the one who decided to do landscaping, to throw a backyard barbecue for 75 of my closest friends, to write a book, start a blog, drive to Michigan to visit my grandma. And, yes, I did have a hand in the decision to get married, have children and buy a house, so you can implicate me in the soccer carpool, college visits and fence-repair appointments on the calendar, too.

So, all right, I asked for it. In other words (the ones my siblings and I have discussed having printed on t-shirts): "I'm living the dream and I can't handle it!"

But I'll keep trying.

And I just wanted to apologize for falling behind on the blog. And to reassure you that it's still on the to-do list. Along with the rest of my life.